I've been thinking a lot about my impending adoption and how much information of Chinese culture and folklore has been altered from its original intent and meaning but possible well-intentioned AP's. However, in my quest to educate myself on Chinese culture, history and people I have to admit that I find both happiness and much sadness when people talk about what's "destined to be". I don't believe that my child was destined to be mine because in saying that, I support the notion that her mother was destined to suffer. No matter what I just can't support that or believe that. What I can do is think that I was merely sent to the right place at the right time, to make a difference in the life of a child. Saying otherwise would be untrue and I feel also disrespecting and disregarding the feelings of the women who I imagine struggle and suffer every day as they give away their children. For some information and "give it to me straight" commentary, check out this entry on Twice the Rice (blog). The author is an adult adoptee who was transracially adopted as a child. I can't say I've read her entire blog but this post hit me, enough to want to share it with others.
Sunday, August 20, 2006
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4 comments:
This will be our second adoption and I have not been able to get as excited like the first time. I know too much. Now I know that my joy and excitement comes from another woman's agony, pain, suffering and loss. Its hard to think that someone is pregnant, right now, waiting for her baby. Is it a boy or a girl? Can I keep her? Oh my God I'm pregnant! What is she thinking right now?
It's a very personal and emotional time for so many. I am very excited at the prospect of becoming a mother but I can't just turn the other cheek and pretend that another woman may be suffering so I can rejoice. Real life isn't quite that easy and I'd like to think I live in the real world. Of course I will be forever grateful for the bravery of the woman who will birth my child because she could have equally aborted but I won't make her out to be a hero either. Since I can't know the circumstances around my child's birth I refuse to assume she gave her up because she loved her and wanted her to have a better life. I won't know if she was a prostitute, raped, molested by someone she knew, irresponsible or if she truly loved her baby and wanted to keep her but couldn't due to economics and the one child policy. What I can do it provide a safe environment for my child to feel she can discuss anything surrounding her life before she was my daughter, even if I don't have the answers
Congratulations, you recognize and acknowledge the losses and gains. That puts you head and shoulders above so many others. You'll be able to have honest conversations with your child about adoption, including saying "I don't know" when you really don't know. It's better than making up some pretty story. It's not easier, but honest and true.
BTDT - twice.
Top 10 reasons for Lisa to update her blog. . .
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