Sunday, April 27, 2008

Take Good Care of My Baby

Today was care package day.  I went to the store, picked up 2 cartons to wrap, pack and get ready for FedEx to bring a care package to my girl in China.  Among her goodies, are a tye dye tee with matching hair barrettes, a long sleeved pant outfit, an uber-soft pink toddler sized blanket, 2 pair of socks, a disposable camera with her name on it and Raffi the pink giraffe I have been sleeping with for the past few weeks.  Lastly the infamous photo album filled with pictures with corresponding Chinese characters.  The second box is being sent on behalf of "grandma" and contains hand lotion and sweets for the nannies and new baby hats, socks and a dozen infant rattles and other toys for all the other children.  After all, we couldn't have peanut's friends be upset that she was the only one to get a present.  I hope they like everything.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Lost and Found

**MP is man-person otherwise known as the special man in my life.

Today was one of those days which will stick with me for a while.  MP and I did a bit of a switch today as I drove up to him and we spent a day in the "country".  He took me to a restaurant he fancied as a child and visited as an adult.  This sparked conversations about family and childhood memories which I've always felt had major gaps.  Tonight as we shared tales I remembered so much more than I could recall previously and all of it good.  He took me through the Rockland Bakery to watch the bread come off the belts as he told me how his job was to catch the rolls for the paper bag that would accompany him home for dinner.  Thoughts of Uncle Wiggly will surely permeate my dreams tonight but one thing that as I grow I realize is that just because someone didn't (or doesn't) love with all you want, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they had (have).  When I think about how I was raised and the associated feelings and struggles, this is very poignant.  It is these exact memories; almost all positive that I hope to use as a basis for being a good parent.  While I believe both of my parents had flaws in them just as I have in me, they both loved me with 100% of their capabilities and for that I can't help but love them back, maybe just a little more tonight.  In the big picture, if I can be 1/2 of what they were individually my daughter will be pretty lucky.  Of course we're aiming for 100% here but I live in the real world and nothing is every 100% except your tax bill.  I am sure like them I will mistakes but I sure have had good role models in my life who I hope to emulate.  
"Good night, sweetheart, with sweet dreams on fairy wings and I'll be here to kiss you in the morning"  (my mom)

Friday, April 25, 2008

Gimme a P, Gimme an A

I just found out my PA came in on 4/17 but was put into the system today.  It feels like one hurdle has been crossed but now comes the big wait for LOA.  I keep hoping it will come fast but am trying to prepare myself that it could be post Olympics.  In the meantime I will be busy this weekend putting together a care package to send.  Here's hoping for a little "elfin magic".  Don't you just love those ears?

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Is it me?

A few weeks ago I was struggling with cold weather and all the bare trees around me.  My workplace is huge; the size of a college campus with lots of trees, geese and grass.  A colleague of mine who retired last year said when he joined the ranks in the 70's it was not for academia or even a prestigious salary or title but purely to admire the foliage on the grounds.  He described a very different approach to healthcare back then and always used the setting where he worked to his advantage by taking patients on walks, having outdoor groups, etc.  A few weeks ago there wasn't a flower to be found and yet overnight our drab campus has sprung to life.  I don't remember the trees being this lush or perhaps everything just looks a little sweeter to me now.

Monday, April 21, 2008

A Woman and a Mother?

Back when I posted about my referral I made a reference to signs.  I am usually not one to put a lot of faith in that sort of thing but I had a very strange feeling a few days ago and couldn't figure it out and when I finally realized it I got the chills.  In a Jewish child's life their Bar or Bat Mitzvah signifies their transition into adulthood.  I was raised in a very reform household but my mother really wanted me to have a Jewish upbringing that included all the significant life events and celebrations.  For a variety of reasons that aren't appropriate to address here it was postponed and as a result mine was a little later than what is typical by a little less than a year.  It was held on Purim which was considered an honor.  It is not typical for a woman to hold a Torah but because of the significance of the double celebration I was asked to not only hold it but carry it through the sanctuary to signify becoming a Jewish woman.  My Bat Mitzvah was March 18th, 1984.  My LOI was sent to China on March 18th.  Enough said.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Catching Up

So I realize it's been a while since I posted and figured I better in order to stop those harassing emails. So I am befuddled at the notion of this hit counter and think it's bogus. Do you see what I see? Someone explain this to me please. So it's been 4 weeks and 3 days since my LOI was submitted but who's counting. Since my last post I have learned a bit about peanut and have received new pictures as well as her finding ad. The photos were truly a gift. I saw a photo that I knew HAD to be her on A Child's Right and emailed the US office. By the next morning Eric (what a nice guy) sent me an email with a brief note and 9 photos. He thought she was quite unforgettable, as do I. I may not be able to post her name and photo publicly but look at the second page of China projects and look for the most beautiful child and that's her. Am I a little bias, OH YEA. All the children are beautiful so have a gander anyway. I also learned that peanut has moved again. I feel so bad she has had so much movement in her little life but glad she and her best buddy (a little boy) are still together. I am hoping for another update soon as well as PA. Oh let's just skip PA... I'll take LOA for $100 Alex.

So about her finding ad.  It's black and white and she was less than 5 weeks old at the time.  It is likely the earliest photo of her and she looks just precious considering the circumstances.  Per the translation it says she was healthy and chubby which is quite evident by her her multiple chins.  She fits right in !!!!!!!  I can't explain how I feel about the whole process other than I feel very detached emotionally.  I think it's only natural given the nature of the process and waiting on that illustrious approval.  What I can say is that my agency has been great, okay let me change that to my new coordinator is GREAT and makes me feel so uplifted when I am feeling down.  I am hoping to have good news soon.  I am still hopeful to travel before the Olympics since I had a 2006 LID and passed the review room last year.  Please think good thoughts for us both.
On a totally unrelated note, I had to get a new car and I am the proud owner of my first Honda. I had always wanted a little SUV but reality is I need a safe car that is good on gas.  I found that in my little Honda and the payments are affordable.  It's a tough time financially in light of the accident but was necessary.  So peanut will have comfortable wheels and safe ones above all to travel in when she comes home.

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

A New Day

Well it's a new day and a new car. I wish I could be excited about it but I'm not. Hopefully the worst is behind me and I can concentrate on worrying about my little peanut. Yesterday I received her finding ad. Oh my, she was quite the chubster and it says so in black and white. She will fit right in! It's nice to have this piece of her history and I hope her robust condition at birth suggests her birth mother cared enough about herself and her unborn child to ensure adequate nutrition and care. While I will never know the answers to these questions, I can offer what I do know; that she was a healthy and chubby baby. Waiting is hard in the WC program and so much different than I expected but one day at a time.