The Start of NOT ME MONDAY

I finally decided to get hip and begin joining the ranks of other NOT ME MONDAY contributors. Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week. Bear with me, with my first attempt. This week, I did NOT enjoy the fact that I had a whole three hours to myself as I dropped off my daughter at a parents night out program or spent $72 (gym, dinner and cupcakes) for such an event. After all, what kind of mother doesn't miss her kid every minute they're away. I did NOT spend two days festering in my pajamas while fighting my pre-schooler for the remote control because that would be a sign of poor mothering. I am better behaved than that. Lastly, I did NOT buy something completely frivolous because I am a much better money manager than this. If you like this post, join the bandwagon O' fun and post your own NOT ME MONDAY.

Tag You're It!

I've been bad at blogging lately. You only come for pictures and gossip anyway. On the news friend, feel free to go visit my dear friend Kris. She is on her way home (like literally up in the air) with her beautiful, courageous and smart daughter Ellis Gao Mei and her handsome, funny man Garth. She has exciting news to share so read her last post and tell her Emme sent you.

The End of the Pencil in the Closet

Two weeks ago (or is it three?) we moved to a new home. I went back to the old place tonight and remembered to take this picture.

Wedding Blues

No sadness, just her favorite color. At a wedding, they say the bride is the most beautiful and she was. However, the votes are in and Emme was voted the runner up. Not only her first wedding but she was the only child at this evening affair. Her behavior at both the church and reception were stellar. She had a wonderful time, hit the dance floor quite a few times and was a gracious guest. I'm so proud in so many ways. We wish A and S all the best as they begin their life together as husband and wife. A sneak peak of our day.

Lavender Banks Memorial Cleft Fund

If you are interesting in making a donation, an account has been set up with Love without Boundaries. In your donation via mail or their secure site please note your donation is for the Lavender Banks Memorial Cleft Fund. These funds will be specifically used specifically to fund cleft surgery for their neediest children. All donations are tax deductible as permitted by law. Don't forget you may have a matching program at work. Every dollar can make a difference in the life of a child. For those who may not be aware, Lavender was a stunning little girl with a severe unrepaired CL/CP. She was adopted in 2007 and tragically killed in 2008; allegedly by the person who was supposed to love her the most. We, the adoption community don't seek to understand the circumstances leading up to this tragedy but we seek to ensure Lavender is never forgotten by the very people who fought on her mother's behalf to bring her home. Please consider making a donation, no matter how small. We thank you in advance. The Single China Moms and Friends P.S. Please feel free to copy this to your blog, Facebook page, etc.

Photography and Me

Fairly recently I had a bad experience with a business that was weighing heavily on me but more so because it could have easily been fixed. I knew I wasn't getting anywhere and already out a lot of money. It turned me off to the art which I so want to learn. So I said, screw it, there are plenty of other PROfessionals more than willing to take me on and they have. I am current enrolled in a multi week course with a highly acclaimed photographer that was recommended to me. This week was our first class/lesson and I proud to report I fulfilled my requirement of learning different types of manual metering. Can't wait for tomorrow's lesson. I'll keep you posted but if anyone finds a lens baby, it's MINE

Misc.

I must jump on the bed before school AND I must wear my jewelry.

Pool Party

Em and I attended the 40th birthday of an old friend Saturday. She was a little shy but had a good time once the other kids arrived. Happy Birthday El!

Webmaster/Designer Needed

If you're a talented webmaster or designer looking for a great opportunity to help an emerging non-profit organization get off the ground, then have I got a gig for you! I am looking for someone to design a site with accompanying blog that already has the domain and hosting. The same logo/design work will be for branding as well though I can probably handle that part myself. At the moment I have a teeny tiny budget for this so please only contact me if you're looking to do something completely altruistic. More details to follow for the general public but we must be the change we wish to see (and I'm starting here)

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

It's been a tough week for me emotionally. Those of you who read here are sure to know about the death of a beautiful little girl many of us came to know and adore through stories from her adoptive mother. Mom put up SOME fight to be able to bring this little girl home who was already a toddler. She also had a severe cleft lip and palette which was in desperate need of repair. There is a lot more to this story but this same beautiful child was murdered and the suspect just charged; that being her own mother. I have fought posting on this topic for so long because I want this to be a happy place where I can document our life together as a family. I may remove this at a later date in order to respect that some day this won't belong in my daughter's story. For now, it shall remain. My journey to adopt began in October 2005, shortly after the demise of a toxic relationship. I always knew I wanted to be a parent but was single and not in too many long-term relationships. My dreams started to become reality when I was accepted to my agency of choice to adopt a child from China. Why I chose China is of no relevance to this story so please, keep going. It was a long and arduous journey and although I yearned for it to happen, I also was grateful for this same wait which allowed me to grow by reading, watching and asking a lot of questions. I spoke to doctors and nurses and read clinical journals. I spoke to adult adoptees and heard their stories of having their names changed, having an American flag thrust into their hands and never to speak of their birth country again. Hearing these stories, makes me angry because it is my belief that EVERY adoptee has the right and deserves the respect of knowing their stories. In my case my child and I are not the same race so while we DO look alike in many ways, it is more obvious. Among the things I learned, the signs of Post-Adoption Depression (hereafter PAD) was really not discussed. It was only through speaking to my adoption coordinator (god bless you M.R) that this became knowledge. Meanwhile I am a licensed social worker and even throughout school had never heard the term. So when I experienced this incredibly painful ailment with the heart palpitations, watching the clock tick and wishing sleep upon us all, what did I do? I vacilated back and forth while in China if I were perhaps making a mistake. I had proverbial buyer's remorse. I wanted out but in my heart I knew I could not walk away. This was my daughter and for better or worse we were now a family. So forget her grief for a moment, what about mine? Where did these panic attacks come from which I had never in all my years ever experienced? Why was I afraid to be left alone with the child who kissed my nose and wanted to sleep with me? The answer is simple, I was suffering from PAD. In my case it lasted about three months. During those months I met with my primary care physician as well as my daughter's IA pediatrician and a course of treatment ensued. As a social worker trying to locate a therapist proved to be the most annoying task and in the end I relented and asked for a parenting coach/therapist through NYC Early Intervention. I ended up with a really nice male social worker who walked in and told me everything right I was doing. He noticed my growth as well as my daughter's on a weekly basis. He printed articles, he gave me homework and little by little I didn't need a pill to calm down. I no longer wished my daughter to sleep but instead wanted her awake to play with her. As a single parent going back to work sooner saved me and probably her too. She was used to being with children all day and I was used to being a career woman. A year later and I have managed to balance the best of both worlds. I couldn't love my daughter any more if I birthed her from my womb and while she wouldn't word that verbatim, she feels the same way about me. It's hard to believe I ever considered coming home "alone" or that there was something wrong with her. In essence there was something keeping me from realizing the gift I had been given but the grief that came with it. A year later we are mother and daughter in ever way and I would do anything for this child to show her how much she is loved. We make efforts to honor her birth culture and when she is a little older we will return to China so she may see where her life began and also to visit with special friends. I urge anyone reading this to please know you're not alone as you nod your head or you find yourself wiping a tear away. Through this journey I have met some of the most amazing women (and Jeff) who I am honored to call friends. There are supports out there and places to turn even in cyber-land if you need. There is the post adoption depression yahoo group for starters. It's not an easy read but some wonderfully strong women there telling their stories. Sometimes you have to endure the pain to reap the rewards of the pleasures of life. I was one of the lucky ones because I knew what it was and I RAN and didn't walk to my support network. Whether married or single, you must build those villages and build them strong. They need not be large but they most be strong enough to get you through the worst and to celebrate you with the best. Peace, Harmony and Justice for L.B and all those who have suffered unncessarily.

The absent blogger

Moving day, moving day Hip hooray, it's moving day Moving day, it's moving day Moving day is here